God, Mr. No Fun

Commandments? I'm going to take a pass

I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me. Now wait a minute God, I don't ever recall being in Egypt and you know, I was born in a free country. In this country, we get to choose who our God is so for me, this commandment just doesn't apply. I am going to take a pass on this one if you don't mind?

   
I like reading my horrorscope, it is always so accurate!

You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of their fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments. Ummm, God? Didn't you create nature? That is what I heard. I really love the moon and the stars and I have learned that my fortune and future can be foretold by the wise Zodiac reader people. I mean seriously, have you read your horrorscope yet today? Mine is always so accurate. And what is this stuff about jealousy? Isn't jealousy a no-no? I had a jealous boyfriend once and he wanted me all to himself... is this what you mean? Anyways, there are so many people and things to love about this life, I am thinking you need to relax your grip a little on this one. Maybe just trust us humans, we have evolved quite a bit since the caveman days you know! You also speak about sins of the fathers... my dad had a bit of a temper and was sometimes impatient. I feel this works though, because people knew where he stood and when I have to use them, these super power abilities work for me too! And what is this nonsense about hate and love? I thought you loved everyone, just the way they are? You HAVE heard of UNCONDITIONAL love, right? What kind of God are you anyway? This commandment is a bit, well, touch and go for me... I think I am going to take a pass and just go with what my heart tells me to do, go with my intuition and gut feelings. I am thinking you may be on the mean side... I like a lighter touch!

   
Guilt is harsh, chill out

It's just an expression yo

You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name. God, I have to call you out on this one. Don't you know the rhyme we teach our children? Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me! Things are more casual now. We all call each other names: we are cool like that. Sometimes, we use your name as a form of expression, you know, for emphasis; to be emphatic! Sure it sounds and feels a little awkward when I hear your name used often and off colour but no one means anything by it. Names are just words! Perhaps you can take this less seriously, like the rest of us? Guilt is harsh! I am chill about this one and think you should be too.

The malls are open on Sundays for a reason God

Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labour and do all of your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor you manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, or the aliens within  your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy. God, I knew it, I just knew there were aliens and here it is, proof right in your commandment. Okay, now that I got that out, let's get serious, shall we? You want me to take a day off? Do you realize how much money I can make working seven days a week, twenty four hours a day? I mean seriously? I have a whole lot of things I need to pay for. We have an expression here in the real world, I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go. This is a brand new world out here in Modernia. You may have made the universe in six days but I have a twenty-five year mortgage, a monthly lease payment on my car, a vacation I have to put a downpayment on and my kid, he has his eyes on some new Nike high tops. This commandment does NOT compute. Besides, if I take a day off and everyone else does too, what the heck would we do with ourselves? Think about that God-we would be so bored... I shake my head to this one. I am not taking a day off any time soon.

   
This one well...

Honour your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. This one is a big ask God. I am not sure if you realize this, but my childhood wasn't exactly perfect. I mean, sure, I had a house to live in and food in my stomach and my own room and all but, my parents and I don't always see eye to eye. Plus, they are getting older and you know how busy I am. I am thinking an old age home may be just the right place soon enough. Then I won't have to drive them to and from the doctors office constantly and besides, I am not a nurse for goodness sakes. I have my own life to live, they already had theirs. I am nice to them, they should be grateful I visit once a week. I do believe I got this commandment down. We more or less agree on this one; that must be a relief for you, huh?

   
We can completely agree on something, finally

You shall not murder. Phew, I agree with you God. Murder is horrid. Sometimes I joke that I could strangle someone, but that isn't at all the same as actually doing it. I mean a thought is just a thought, right? There are a few people though, that... anyways, I would never kill anyone! That's two for us now that we agree on. I shall not murder.

   
Sometimes falling out of love happens God, who are you to judge?

You shall not commit adultery. Now this is tricky. I do agree with you in theory I suppose, but you know very well that there are always extenuating circumstances. I mean people change, don't they? Sometimes people just grow apart. Talking to a member of the opposite sex while married just happens, especially when my spouse, I mean a spouse, just plain old doesn't get me, err, get the person they are married to... Surely you understand that nothing lasts forever? Sometimes second marriages make more sense and affairs happen because no one wants to be unhappy. Aren't we all here to enjoy life? I'm on the fence with this one God... I am pretty sure you are sometimes too.

   
We clearly agree on the big things!

You shall not steal. Ok, we are totally in agreement on the whole stealing thing. I have never taken anything that was not mine. I pay for everything I own! Now the government, they are another story. They are thieves I tell you! My accountant and I agree on this and he finds every possible way for me to pay as little on taxes as possible. You can't trust the government and I would be a fool to! You and I are getting along now, aren't we? We clearly agree on the big things.

   
My neighbours are a pain in the butt

You shall not give false testimony against your neighbour. My neighbour... you mean that SOB next door to the right or the idiot that lives across the street? Have you met these people? I don't say anything about them that isn't true. I found out last fall what they were saying about me and you know what, I just don't talk to them anymore; it's as simple as that! If they would keep their traps shut we would all get along. I agree on this commandment too... those people shouldn't have given false testimonies about me. This is a good one. I commend you for this choice and suggestion.

   
Competition is the name of the game baby!

You shall not covet your neighbour's house. You shall not covet your neighbour's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbour. Oh God, this one is super tough. I know The Bible is all ancient so let's go with some modern view points on this one, shall we? How am I suppose to get ahead if I don't compete? How am I supposed to milk this life for all it's worth if I don't do a little comparing, you know, so that I will up my game and come out on top? My neighbour down the street has a really amazing house... three car garage with some high end cars. I guess in the dusty road days, this would be equivalent to a huge barn full of animals. His cars are way faster than four legged furries and I have to confess, I have some car envy. This neighbour also has a lucrative business with many top producing employees... I was thinking of approaching a couple of them, to see if I could persuade them to work for me. Oh and get this, his partner is an upgrade! Mine is looking and sounding like an old broken record-who wouldn't want to trade in and up? I am thinking we have a semantics problem here. When you said you shall not covet, I think you meant you shouldn't compare and compete with your neighbour? I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt here because you may have been confused a little, being ancient and all. Competition is the name of the game baby. It is how we roll! The world would stop spinning if we stopped trying to outdo one another. Survival of the fitness is for real! Covet, compete, name it what you will but you and I are not going to agree on this one.

   
I'm glad we had this chat, I feel so much better now

You know what God? I am really glad we had this discussion. I believe you are fair and that compromise is a part of who you are and this is great for me, because I love to go with the flow and change with the times. Adapt or die is my motto! I thought at first that you were Mr. No Fun but I realize after spending this time with you that you are really cool. I mean, lightning hasn't struck me dead yet, even though I don't agree with you on some points. Besides, you gave me freedom of will and I get to choose what is right for me, right? 

I'll catch you on the flip side, thanks for hanging out. Later gator...

Sugar Daddy

Turn lemons into lemonade: You have undoubtedly heard this expression before, or something akin? It is a message of turn that frown upside down and it takes the listener from one point of view to another. Easier said than done? Sure, you are absolutely correct dear reader, because those of us who have sampled lemon juice from the source can attest to the fact that it can be mouth puckering with tartness! And that frown thing? When we are frowning it is because something is troubling us and hey, we all have the right to feel entitled to a bad day, mood, and attitude from time to time.

Not long ago while riding my bike, I indulged in some whining in conversation with God (this clearly was not a conversation, it was a monotonous monologue) that went something like this: You know God, I have a right to be hurt and angry, picture my face with self-righteous indignation plastered all over it, And God, if you take a look at the situation, you will agree that what I have been dealing with is harsh. Now picture me on the verge of a pity-party-tear-fest right out there on the public park pathways. And God... Next see me rounding a curve ready to up the anti and prosecutor like, make my case, God... Here envision my look of surprise! A bug has flown directly up my left nostril, stopping my mindless, self-indulgent nattering! This is when I started laughing and realized how ridiculous I sounded to myself! 

Was God listening to me? Sure he was, just like any parent does when their child takes to grumbling and wanting their own way, until smack, the parent says enough, I have heard enough, stop that whining. Did God make a bug fly up my nose? Perhaps, because I do believe God has a sense of humour, but it is doubtful. What is my point, you ask? My point is that there is a turn around point! There is always a way to change direction, to live from a new perspective, to laugh instead of cry. Recall, I was whining to God and while this is true, I also laughed full heartedly with him when that bug flew into the hanger known to me as my left nostril. 

God is the sweetness in my lemonade. God is the one that turns my frowns right side up. God hears my cries and turns them into laughter. God is my joy factor and love activator. God, is my Sugar Daddy. 

Yo, Water to What?

Yo, ma

Mary is at a wedding in the lovely town of Cana in Galilee when her son shows up with his boys, the disciples. Mary is a close family friend to the bride and groom and she notices, yikes, the party isn't over but the wine, she ran out! Jesus' mother Mary goes to her son and tells him "They have no more wine." Jesus is like, yo, ma, I don't mean to be all crass or anything but "Dear woman, why do you involve me?" Jesus replied. "My time has not yet come." Jesus is saying not now mother, my time to flex my miracle muscles has not yet arrived. 

Mary knows what hospitality looks like

Not to be dissuaded, Mary knows what needs to get done. She is all in when it comes to hospitality and serving up excellent food and drink to hungry guests. She wants to spare the bride and groom the embarrassment of not having enough for the people they invited to celebrate their amazing wedding day! Mary wastes no time in remedying the situation. She knows exactly what her son is capable of and she instructs the servants standing near by... "Do whatever he tells you to do." Picture Mary saying hey, you guys standing around in white, listen to my man/child, he can fix this thing, follow his instructions and this will all work out. 

A good son obeys his momma

Like all good sons, Jesus respects his momma, and He immediately gets to work, giving instructions to the servers, I mean servants. "Fill the jars with water"... the servers look at one another, exchanging a look of, what, we ran out of wine, not water buddy! This Jesus guy though, He has some kind of command and with a shrug, off they go to fetch water and fill up the six twenty to thirty gallon jars standing nearby, to the brim. Next He says "Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet." The first server scratches his head, grabs a pitcher and as the container fills with liquid, his eyes bulge! The H2O he had just poured into this jar is looking a whole lot like red stuff and wow, it smells like fermented grapes? He looks up from the pitcher filled with wine, he and Jesus make eye contact.

A behind the scenes secret insight

With a grin from ear to ear, the server with his secret insight, takes the transformed liquid to the master of the banquet. He tastes it and this wine, it tastes ... heavenly! He is delighted and impressed, calling the bridegroom aside, he says "Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the quests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now." 

Who is this guy?

People are staring at Jesus, jaws dropped. Who is this guy, and if He can turn water to wine, what else can He do? The disciples shove and wrestle with each other like school boys cuz they found the coolest guy to hang out with and they decide right there and then, they will follow him wherever he wants to go! Jesus grins and shakes his head, you ain't seen nothing yet boys ...

Modernizing the first miracle 

I took a liberty, dear reader, in modernizing the first miracle Jesus publicly performed. Jesus is living water, and He said, "Whoso eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, hath eternal life; and I will raise him up at the last day" (John 6:54)

Jesus is sustenance, He is our bread, our water, our celebratory wine. He is life, and those that recognize Him as provider of all that is good, and give Him praise and thanks, are rewarded with eternal life! That, is a promise.

The world is currently chaotic. People are wondering where their next loaf of bread or bucket of water are going to come from. The bride and groom in Cana must have felt some concern too, about how they would be able to provide for themselves, and for guests, if their lack of wine was any indication of what their future would look like. In the wilderness wandering, which lasted forty years, shoes did not wear out, meat flew into camp, and manna descended like dew. Water came from rock and still, the people grumbled against God Almighty.

I guess, my point, dear reader, is how many miracles do we need to be assured that God is God? How many blessings are required before we realize that we do not sustain ourselves, and that God maintains all the universe for us to savour and enjoy?

● Jesus revealed Who He is at a wedding

● Jesus revealed Who He when He spoke the words, Your sins are forgiven

● Jesus revealed Who He is when He cast out demons, gave sight to the blind, hearing to the deaf, made the lame to walk, stopped bleeding and seizures, and raised the dead back to life

● Jesus revealed Who He is when He gave power to His disciples to go amongst the people, to preach the kingdom of God, and perform the same miracles of healing the sick He had demonstrated

● Jesus revealed Who He is on a cross. The temple veil was torn in two from top to bottom, the earth quaked, and the rocks were split. Time was rent, dear reader, makes by A.D and B.C

● Jesus revealed Who He is when He came out of the grave in bodily form by the power of God, because He is God

What more, dear reader, could we possibly required as proof, that no matter what we need, He can, will, and does, provide, when we ask.

I end on this astounding note found in the book of John 21:25

And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written. Amen

God, is The Author of Life